Conflict is not something I enjoy. I don’t think many people actually enjoy it – but my natural tendency is to avoid it. I have improved over the years in this area and now push myself to have those tricky conversations when necessary, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable.
When I completed the conflict resolution questionnaire, I was not surprised to see that my top result was ‘The Avoider’. (Psychologia, n.d.) describes the avoider as follows:
Style I – The Avoider
You usually avoid argument and change the subject when tension appears. This can be helpful for small, unimportant issues, because everyone stays calm. But when a problem really matters, constant avoidance hurts you. Your own goals get pushed aside, unspoken anger builds up, and relationships suffer from silent, passive-aggressive behavior. In the end, the stress you tried to escape stays with you every day.
This is fairly accurate of me, but one I am working on as I realise the critical importance of being able to manage conflict in a healthy and productive way. My reflection is as follows:
- What is your predominant approach to managing conflict?
I can be hit and miss. At times, especially when it is a subject I feel passionate about, I will engage in those tricky conversations for the sake of the issue at hand. However, I do find it uncomfortable to have to challenge people under my leadership around different things, especially when it is something that they are doing that needs to change.
- Does this match to how you think of yourself?
This is such an interesting question – because it doesn’t match to how I see myself or how passionately I feel about what I do. I am really tough on myself and don’t allow myself mediocrity in many areas of my life, yet I am way more generous with others (probably not a bad thing). I do think it is important to move towards my inner me and my outer me matching more successfully.
- What areas do you think you need to develop?
I would like to work on being able to have the challenging conversations when needed. I can do this by helping prepare for these conversations beforehand so I don’t get flustered on the spot. Practice will make perfect (well sort of!) and I am guessing that the more I do the hard things, the easier they will get.
Psychologia (n.d.) What’s your conflict resolution strategy? Tests. https://psychologia.co/conflict-resolution/